Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘demands’

To Keep Your Writing Going, Put Your Energy Around What You Want

Posted in academic, boundaries, demands, dissertation coach, dissertation writing, family, momentum, relationships, self-care, Smart Tips, take stock, writing, dissertation, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2008| Leave a Comment »

If you put your energy around what you want, that’s what you’ll get.

One client told me that she had been ambivalent about all of the questions her dad had about her dissertation.  But she decided to make a positive out of the parental interest.  She saw that her dissertation could be a bridge in her relationship with her father, a relationship that had in the past suffered from a lack of communication.

She decided to talk about her dissertation whenever he expressed an interest.  It worked for her.

Could you seek the positive and honor what is good about the relationships in your life?
What would best serve your goals?

If you want to keep a special person in your life, if you want to keep friends in your life, if you want the support of your parents, it’s time to talk with all of them about the demands you’re facing and to tell them how their support can help you.

If they don’t understand, then you’ve done all you can.  But who knows—you might be pleasantly surprised.

Reclaim your power.  Focus on moving your writing forward.

What is working for you?  I’d love to hear from you!

Here’s one thing that will work for you– get my Smart Tips e-newsletter.  Just for signing up, you get a bonus.  Go to my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up.

Until next time,

Nancy
Your Dissertation Coach
www.nwcoaching.com
ancy @ nancywhichard.com

Read Full Post »

How to Deal with Others Invested in Your Dissertation Process, Part III

Posted in academic, boundaries, courage, criticism, demands, discipline, dissertation coach, dissertation writing, family, fears, goals, life, mental toughness, relationships, self-care, Smart Tips, writing, writing, dissertation, tagged , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2008| Leave a Comment »

Writing a dissertation brings with it many hard choices.  Often those hard choices directly impact relationships. 

One dissertation client told his parents that he can’t talk about his dissertation with them—not when it’s going well and not when he’s stuck—because he feels that it opens him to too much scrutiny.

But he’s always ill at ease around his parents, knowing that his dissertation is the elephant in the room.  He finds that he puts enormous energy into avoiding the subject. 

His decision and its aftereffects remind me of what another client told me about riding a difficult horse inside a large, covered arena where big steel uprights ran from ground to ceiling.

My client said she had been very afraid she was going to hit one of the big steel uprights because the horse was huge and very young and not completely steerable.

There was one upright in particular that worried her, and every time she came around the 20 meter circle, she would worry about that big steel upright.

And of course as she tried to avoid it, she came closer and closer to it.

You know what happened, right?  She hit the one she had been trying to avoid.

The experience confirmed for her that if you focus on what you don’t want to happen, well, you get what you don’t want.

If you are trying to protect yourself from scrutiny, but find yourself putting increasingly more energy into that process, it’s time to reframe and refocus. 

Where do you want to put your energy?

Where is your energy?   I’d love to hear from you! 

Also, go to my website () and sign up for my Smart Tips for Writers e-newsletter.

Cheers!

Nancy

Nancy Whichard, Ph.D., PCC
Your International Dissertation Coach and Academic Career Coach

www.nancywhichard.com
www.usingyourstrengths.com

Read Full Post »

How to Deal with Others Invested in Your Dissertation Process, Part II

Posted in academic, advice, boundaries, choice, coaching, demands, dissertation coach, dissertation writing, family, reflection, regret, relationships, resources, self-care, setbacks, social intelligence, writing, tagged , , , , on February 21, 2008| Leave a Comment »

Several ABD’s have told me over the last few days about issues with parents, spouses, boyfriends or girlfriends, and even friends.

The boyfriend of one of my clients has made it clear that he thinks it’s taking far too long for her to finish her dissertation.  And the process drags on because she hesitates to work late at her office or to work on week-ends because she doesn’t want to irritate or even anger him. Another of my clients broke up with her boyfriend because he said she wasn’t giving the relationship the attention it needed. 

One young woman has told me how she lost friends when she was getting her master’s degree—they said she didn’t spend enough time with them. Now she’s resistant to throwing herself into writing her dissertation.  She doesn’t want to give even more friends a reason to desert her.

Most parents of ABD’s are incredibly supportive, but some parents want to give advice that isn’t welcomed—the unwelcome advice can be barbed or worse. 

I’ve heard stories of parents undercutting their offspring’s decisions in various areas, such as choice of topic.

When one year drags into another, the parents of some ABD’s have compared their adult child’s lack of progress to the quick attainment of a PhD by someone they know. 

 I’ve even heard a couple of stories about truly intolerable behavior from parents who had never completed dissertations themselves.  They had had to settle for remaining an ABD. 

No ABD should put up with emotional abuse, whether it’s from a boyfriend, spouse, or parent. 

But if your dissertation process is affecting your relationships with people who are important to you, people you love, you do have choices. 

People matter.

Has your dissertation process affected your relationships with others?  I hope you’ll contact me and tell me your experience.  I’m sure many people could profit from what you have done to maintain relationships and what you’ve done to take care of yourself.

Until next time,

Nancy

Nancy Whichard, Ph.D., PCC
Your International Dissertation Coach and Academic Career Coach

www.nancywhichard.com
www.usingyourstrengths.com

Read Full Post »