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Posts Tagged ‘hard choices’

You sit down to write, and what’s that you’re doing? Without a second thought, you are checking the cnn.com weather app, thinking about how much colder it is where your grandma lives. And now you’re skimming email. What was that you wanted to check?  Oh, yes, you noticed that Marcus Mumford was wearing a wedding band during the Another Day/Another Time folk music concert on TV.  And you’re off on another Google search to find out who is his wife.

You are sitting in front of your screen, and your fingers are moving, but you are in the clutches of resistance, once again. Flight has prevailed over fight.

The Turnaround Artist

I received some praise recently—someone called me a turnaround artist.

It’s an interesting tag. Typically, a turnaround artist is a business person who is takes over a company that is falling behind.

To turn around a lagging writing project also takes drastic action, not unlike rescuing lagging stocks or companies and transforming them.

However, before a coach is a turnaround artist, the writer has to sign on for the transformation and then show up. The coach needs the writer also to become a turnaround artist.

Do Something Daring—Manage Your Writing for a One-Month Experiment

Is having a huge, long-term goal so over powering that each day you have to fight insecurities or the threat of the imposter syndrome? If you are feeling some danger around this project (that old lions-are-going- to-eat-me-if-I don’t- flee feeling), then do something daring. Hatch a plan that puts you on the front line. Challenge yourself to an experiment for a month during which you will not only write, but you will also practice oversight. During the experiment, evaluate time spent, your progress, areas where you need more learning, and personal growth.

I was talking recently to a person with a background in accountancy. She says that her decisions are data-driven, or as close to that as possible. Numbers don’t lie, she says. Taking that approach during your one-month experiment could be an eye-opener. What data could you keep track of? What is measurable in your writing process? Time spent on task on a day-by-day basis. Number of “have-done” tasks that you keep track of during the week. Number of words written or number of pages written.  And especially the number of setbacks and reworkings or restarts.

Uncomfortable Is Normal

Acknowledge that this work has unfairly brought forth all of your insecurities. You have not written a dissertation before, and so you may not have specific experience to fall back on. You aren’t on a military maneuver, and so there isn’t a manual. Nevertheless, you have survived other new and unsettling situations and you have even flourished. Look forward to flourishing, but for now ride out the uncomfortable feeling, and, if it helps, know that writing a dissertation is seldom comfortable. Over the month-long experiment, notice and collect evidence/data on how you are building resilience and courage. For instance, you could benefit from learning how many times this week/month you sat down and worked on your writing project even when you felt anxious or uncomfortable.

Practice Oversight of Your Writing for More Life Balance

Turn around your inefficient, sluggish, time-suck of a writing process. Use your professional or home-grown skills to trim and reset your project so that it fits into the time you have available. Then writing will be one thing that you do, along with having a rich personal life and a job.

It’s a good thing to call in an outsider when you need some honest talk and a different perspective, but each writer must put on the hat and glasses of the outsider and view one’s work habits and writing with fresh eyes.

How are you doing as a project manager of your dissertation or thesis? Where are you succeeding and where is your work lagging? I would love to hear from you.

All good wishes,

Nancy

Nancy Whichard, Ph.D., PCC

Your Dissertation Coach and Academic Career Coach
http://www.nancywhichard.com
nancy @ nancywhichard.com

 

 

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I have coached many people who write dissertations while juggling the demands of family life. It’s difficult to juggle the daily demands, but to give up a holiday with one’s family is a particularly hard choice to make.

As the Memorial Day holiday approaches here in the U.S., I am thinking back to a Memorial Day weekend years ago when I had to choose my dissertation over the holiday weekend with my family. Now it seems as if it was a small sacrifice, and completing a dissertation definitely requires some sacrifices. But at the time, I felt that the dissertation process had demanded too much from me one too many times.

In my Washington, DC suburb, Memorial Day has always been a day for ritual and fun. The day begins with a 3K Fun Run. The day proceeds with a fair and a parade and back-yard picnics. Except for the one year when I had to spend the whole weekend once again revising the intro to my diss.

My defense was approaching. I thought I was on track since the full draft of the dissertation had been revised many times and had finally been approved. Only the intro needed one more rewrite, and I had done that, following the straightforward suggestions for revising from my advisor. I then sent the rewritten Intro off to him.

Just before Memorial Day, he returned the revision to me with a note saying that I should take out all of the newly added pages and re-work the whole chapter.

I was dumbfounded.  I knew better, but because the deadline was so close I wrote to him, saying that I had done what he had told me to do. His only comment was that he didn’t want to be told what he had said.

I hoped that I hadn’t alienated him. And I knew that I had to grind out the new rewrite immediately. I gave up my holiday weekend with my family and sat in front of my computer for the holiday.

As I look back on that weekend now, years later, I have changed my perspective on several counts.

I remember now that when I was revising the Intro, my advisor’s suggestions struck me as a bit off the mark. But I didn’t raise any questions or concerns with him. Of course, the advisor is always right, but it would have been smart to at least give voice to my concerns.

It strikes me now that perhaps I was even a bit lazy in adopting his comments without discussing my concerns with him or without thinking of an alternative approach.

As for that Memorial Day weekend, I don’t think that my kids felt neglected. I did miss out on some fun, but I bounced back. It wasn’t the end of the world. And I think my kids learned something about how much work it takes to finish big projects.

What I had to do was draw on my resolve and my mental toughness to get through this challenge.

Over the long period of time that I worked on the whole dissertation, I learned the value of building perseverance, resilience, and courage. Actually, learning to rely on those strengths may be the life-changing and lasting benefit for me of writing the dissertation.

If you, too, are finding yourself drawing on and building your mental toughness and resolve as you write your dissertation, I salute you. Only in such a long-term, large project do you find such an opportunity.

Warm regards,

Nancy
Nancy Whichard, PhD, PCC
Your International Dissertation Coach
www.nancywhichard.com

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I always look forward to Memorial Day week-end.  As I enjoy the current Memorial Day holiday here in the U.S., I am thinking back to a Memorial Day week-end a few years ago when I had to choose my dissertation over the holiday week-end with my family.

In my Washington, DC suburb, Memorial Day has always been a day for ritual and fun.

The day begins with a 3K Fun Run. In the front of the pack are young military people and other determined-looking runners.  Behind them are the kids from the local track teams and other people who love to run.  Way back, and this is a big pack of people, are the walkers.  One reason everyone in town wants to participate is because, for years now, the local Volvo dealer gives away terrific t-shirts to everyone who finishes.

The day proceeds with a fair and a parade and back-yard brunches and that sort of thing.

And it’s fun to spend the day with my family and to catch up with friends and long-time acquaintances..

Except for the one year when I had to spend the whole week-end once again revising the intro to my diss.

I thought I was finished with the intro.  My advisor had given me a fairly straightforward suggestion for revising the diss.  I had done what he said and sent the revision off to him.  Just before Memorial Day, he returned the revision to me with a note saying that I should take out all of the newly added pages and re-work the whole chapter.

To meet the deadline, I would have to work straight through the Memorial Day holiday.  I knew better, but I wrote to him, saying that I had done exactly what he had told me to do.  His only comment was that he didn’t want to be told what he had said.

Hoping that I hadn’t alienated him, I gave up my holiday week-end with my family and sat in front of my computer for 3 days.

I got through the revision, and finished the dissertation, but that was one of the times that I strongly felt that the dissertation process had demanded too much from me.

I have coached many people who somehow write dissertations while juggling the demands of family life.  It’s difficult to juggle the daily demands, but to give up a holiday with one’s family is a particularly hard choice to make.

For those of you who are facing the dilemma this week-end of deciding whether to spend  time with your family or meet a writing goal, I send all good wishes.  Whatever you decide to do will be the right choice for you.

Warm regards,

Nancy
Nancy Whichard, PhD, PCC
Your International Dissertation Coach
www.nancywhichard.com

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If you put your energy around what you want, that’s what you’ll get.

One client told me that she had been ambivalent about all of the questions her dad had about her dissertation.  But she decided to make a positive out of the parental interest.  She saw that her dissertation could be a bridge in her relationship with her father, a relationship that had in the past suffered from a lack of communication.

She decided to talk about her dissertation whenever he expressed an interest.  It worked for her.

Could you seek the positive and honor what is good about the relationships in your life?
What would best serve your goals?

If you want to keep a special person in your life, if you want to keep friends in your life, if you want the support of your parents, it’s time to talk with all of them about the demands you’re facing and to tell them how their support can help you.

If they don’t understand, then you’ve done all you can.  But who knows—you might be pleasantly surprised.

Reclaim your power.  Focus on moving your writing forward.

What is working for you?  I’d love to hear from you!

Here’s one thing that will work for you– get my Smart Tips e-newsletter.  Just for signing up, you get a bonus.  Go to my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up.

Until next time,

Nancy
Your Dissertation Coach
www.nwcoaching.com
ancy @ nancywhichard.com

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Writing a dissertation brings with it many hard choices.  Often those hard choices directly impact relationships. 

One dissertation client told his parents that he can’t talk about his dissertation with them—not when it’s going well and not when he’s stuck—because he feels that it opens him to too much scrutiny.

But he’s always ill at ease around his parents, knowing that his dissertation is the elephant in the room.  He finds that he puts enormous energy into avoiding the subject. 

His decision and its aftereffects remind me of what another client told me about riding a difficult horse inside a large, covered arena where big steel uprights ran from ground to ceiling.

My client said she had been very afraid she was going to hit one of the big steel uprights because the horse was huge and very young and not completely steerable.

There was one upright in particular that worried her, and every time she came around the 20 meter circle, she would worry about that big steel upright.

And of course as she tried to avoid it, she came closer and closer to it.

You know what happened, right?  She hit the one she had been trying to avoid.

The experience confirmed for her that if you focus on what you don’t want to happen, well, you get what you don’t want.

If you are trying to protect yourself from scrutiny, but find yourself putting increasingly more energy into that process, it’s time to reframe and refocus. 

Where do you want to put your energy?

Where is your energy?   I’d love to hear from you! 

Also, go to my website () and sign up for my Smart Tips for Writers e-newsletter.

Cheers!

Nancy

Nancy Whichard, Ph.D., PCC
Your International Dissertation Coach and Academic Career Coach

www.nancywhichard.com
www.usingyourstrengths.com

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I’m not a football fan; I barely understand the game.  But I do know grit when I see it.

This holiday has given me time to watch a football game on TV with my family.

When I see what those players do for their team, I cringe, but I’m also in awe.

When one big fellow was flattened and remained flattened for a while, I wondered what might be going through the heads of people who loved him. 

I wondered– does he have to explain why he subjects himself to such pain and danger? 

Why would he do this? The answer seems pretty clear.

There has to be great joy in using your strength and athleticism and grace.  

What joy there must be in training, maintaining discipline, and challenging your strengths of character and body!

Sometimes people writing dissertations are faced with questions from others. We all have made choices that other people may not understand.  Why do you keep doing this?  Why do you keep at it? 

It can be hard to explain. 

Remind yourself why this dissertation, this degree, means so much to you.  That reminder may be the fresh air you need to keep going.

Choosing to write a dissertation takes courage and determination and perseverance—
That’s grit!  I know it when I see it.

Go my website (www.nwcoaching.com) and sign up for my Smart Tips newsletter. You will get support and tips that you can use.  I’ll also send you a gift.

Until next time,
Nancy
Your Dissertation Coach
www.nwcoaching.com
 

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